[boxby]

Hi

The first sentence is a bit crap - suggestions please......... and another other comments.
Thank you,
Sandra.



A new and innovative company has just scooped the Runners Up prize in the prestigious Scottish Institute of Enterprise Business Plan Competition, winning a marvelous £9,000 prize of start up capital and professional services.

Sandra & Alistair Patterson’s business plan is for their new business, Boxby, which is a complete delivery solution website, organizing deliveries for everything from Parcels to Sofas, around the UK, and beyond.

“The idea for Boxby came out of an existing business we had, we were delivering antique furniture for customers, and one day we realized that there were hundreds of courier & delivery companies doing exactly the same thing, all trying to find customers across the whole country, and many driving around with half empty vans.” said Sandra Patterson. “Boxby is about helping those Couriers and Delivery companies to find the extra jobs to keep their vans full. They way this is done on our website means that the customer gets the best price possible, and also it gives them a choice about which courier or delivery company they use.”

The business plan competition lasted several months, and the final stage involved a business pitch “dragons den” style to a panel of judges. “This was the most nerve racking part of the competition,” said Alistair, “but we had to just bury our nerves and get on with it. It was a really challenging experience. “

The Judges panel thought that the talk was excellent and described a business with proven and growing potential. This team was the winner in the undergraduate stream and came second overall in a very tight competition.

“The competition was a very good thing for us to do”, says Sandra, “as although Boxby is trading and growing fast, SIE provided advisors and feedback that we have found invaluable”.

SIE run the Business Plan competition annually, and previous winners of the competition include This is Red Button, who went on to win other international awards, as well as successfully securing funding from BBC Dragons Den.


Notes to Editors
· Boxby lets customers get delivery quotes from up to 700 courier companies via one online form.
· Boxby’s website can be viewed at www.boxby.co.uk
· For further information contact Sandra Patterson at Sandra@boxby.co.uk or 01465 715444
· The Scottish Institute for Enterprise’s annual business plan competition is sponsored by Enterprise Rent a Car, who put up a prize fund of £50,000.
· The competition is open to all undergraduates, and post graduates of Scottish Universities, and involves a local competition at each of the universities, three entrants from each institution are then put forward to the national competition.

[Fuzzy]

Originally Posted by boxby

Hi

The first sentence is a bit crap - suggestions please......... and another other comments.
Thank you,
Sandra.



[FONT='Arial','sans-serif']A new and innovative company has just scooped the Runners Up prize in the prestigious Scottish Institute of Enterprise Business Plan Competition, winning a marvelous £9,000 prize of start up capital and professional services.[/font]
[FONT='Arial','sans-serif']Sandra & Alistair Patterson’s business plan is for their new business, Boxby, which is a complete delivery solution website, organizing deliveries for everything from Parcels to Sofas, around the UK, and beyond.[/font]
[FONT='Arial','sans-serif']“The idea for Boxby came out of an existing business we had, we were delivering antique furniture for customers, and one day we realized that there were hundreds of courier & delivery companies doing exactly the same thing, all trying to find customers across the whole country, and many driving around with half empty vans.” said Sandra Patterson[/font]
[FONT='Arial','sans-serif']“Boxby is about helping those Couriers and Delivery companies to find the extra jobs to keep their vans full. They way this is done on our website means that the customer gets the best price possible, and also it gives them a choice about which courier or delivery company they use.”[/font]
[FONT='Arial','sans-serif']The business plan competition lasted several months, and the final stage involved a business pitch “dragons den” style to a panel of judges. “This was the most nerve racking part of the competition,” said Alistair, “but we had to just bury our nerves and get on with it. It was a really challenging experience. “[/font]
[FONT='Arial','sans-serif']The Judges panel thought that the talk was excellent and described a business with proven and growing potential. This team was the winner in this undergraduate stream and came second overall in a very tight competition[/font]
[FONT='Arial','sans-serif']“The competition was a very good thing for us to do”, says Sandra, “as although Boxby is trading and growing fast, SIE provided advisors and feedback that we have found invaluable”.[/font]
[FONT='Arial','sans-serif']SIE run the Business Plan competition annually, and previous winners of the competition include This is Red Button, who went on to win other international awards, as well as successfully securing funding from BBC Dragons Den.[/font]


[FONT='Arial','sans-serif']Notes to Editors[/font]
· [FONT='Arial','sans-serif']Boxby lets customers get delivery quotes from up to 700 courier companies via one online form.[/font]
· [FONT='Arial','sans-serif']Boxby’s website can be viewed at www.boxby.co.uk[/font]
· [FONT='Arial','sans-serif']For further information contact Sandra Patterson at Sandra@boxby.co.uk or 01465 715444[/font]
· [FONT='Arial','sans-serif']The Scottish Institute for Enterprise’s annual business plan competition is sponsored by Enterprise Rent a Car, who put up a prize fund of £50,000.[/font]
· [FONT='Arial','sans-serif']The competition is open to all undergraduates, and post graduates of Scottish Universities, and involves a local competition at each of the universities, three entrants from each institution are then put forward to the national competition.[/font]

I thought it was brill and the first sentence is fine .....couple of things highlighted above though.

[boxby]

Originally Posted by Fuzzy

I thought it was brill and the first sentence is fine .....couple of things highlighted above though.

That's the bit written by the judges!!

[frockery]

Hope you don't mind me having played about with the press release a bit... feel free to throw it away but I quite like doing this sort of thing.

BOXING CLEVER WITH BOXBY

An innovative new company providing a one stop delivery solution for customers across the UK and beyond has scooped the Runners Up prize in the prestigious Scottish Institute of Enterprise Business Plan Competition, winning a total of £9,000 of start up capital and professional services.

Boxby is an interactive website which enables customers to organise deliveries for everything from parcels to sofas via their network of 700 registered courier companies. Owners Sandra and Alistair Patterson impressed the judging panel with a well thought out and professionally presented business plan for their new online venture.

Sandra said: “We are delighted to have received such a resounding vote of confidence in ourselves and our new business.

"The idea for Boxby came out of our existing business which involves delivering antique furniture for customers. We realised that there were hundreds of courier and delivery companies doing exactly the same thing, all trying to find customers across the whole country and many driving around with half empty vans.

“Boxby is about helping couriers and delivery companies find the extra jobs to keep their vans full. It also means that the customer gets the best price possible, while giving them a choice about which courier or delivery company to use.”

The business plan competition lasted several months, and the final stage involved a business pitch “dragons den” style to a panel of judges.

“This was the most nerve racking part of the competition,” said Alistair, “but we had to just bury our nerves and get on with it. It was a really challenging experience.”

The judges rated the Boxby presentation as “excellent” and described it a business with proven and growing potential. The business was the winner in the undergraduate stream and came second overall in a very tight competition.

“The competition was a very useful exercise for us”, said Sandra, “as although Boxby is trading and growing fast, it helped us focus on our business objectives and SIE provided advisors and feedback that we have found invaluable.”

SIE run the Business Plan competition annually, and previous winners have included This is Red Button, who went on to win other international awards, as well as successfully securing funding from BBC Dragons Den.

ENDS

Notes to Editors

The Boxby website www.boxby.co.uk allows vistors to obtain quotes from up to 700 courier companies via a single online form. For futher information contact Sandra Patterson at Sandra@boxby.co.uk or 01465 715444.

The Scottish Institute for Enterprise’s annual business plan competition is sponsored by Enterprise Rent a Car, who put up a prize fund of £50,000.
The competition is open to all undergraduates, and post graduates of Scottish Universities, and involves a local competition at each of the universities, three entrants from each institution are then put forward to the national competition.

[Carbon Neutral Copy]

Only just spotted this. Have you sent it out now, Sandra, or are you still looking for comments?

Vicky

[boxby]

Originally Posted by Write on Message

Only just spotted this. Have you sent it out now, Sandra, or are you still looking for comments?

Vicky

It's gone out to the local papers so far, no further.

[Carbon Neutral Copy]

Originally Posted by boxby

It's gone out to the local papers so far, no further.

Do you have plans to send it elsewhere - small business press, for example? Might have a couple of ideas for tweaking it, if you are. Feel free to PM me.

One thing that jumped out immediately, though, was your first sentence. You have said "new and innovative" but they mean the same thing, so I'd drop one or other of them.

Vicky

[boxby]

Originally Posted by Write on Message

Do you have plans to send it elsewhere - small business press, for example? Might have a couple of ideas for tweaking it, if you are. Feel free to PM me.

One thing that jumped out immediately, though, was your first sentence. You have said "new and innovative" but they mean the same thing, so I'd drop one or other of them.

Vicky

I want to send it everywhere I can, so that this is effectively the "first" pr that tends to get ingnored, and then I can follow up with subsequent ones.